The Dirty Diaper
Because the web is full of it.Saturday, February 24, 2007
My Right As A Thespian
When I was in college I performed with the school’s theater group. This proved two very important points. The acting was terrible. And as a thespian I was obligated to watch the Academy Awards.
Every year, I would be asked ad nauseam, “Did you watch the Oscars last night?” Every year, my response was, “Nope.”
“Why not!? Everyone else did! As a Thespian, you should be curious to see who won!” Heathen! How dare I not delight in a night of recognition of the year’s most outstanding achievements in film while soaking up the couture of my fellow actors! Indeed, this is a blow to all Thespianity!
I don’t watch the Academy Awards because I don’t care. I don’t care who wins what, who wears whom, and who didn’t get thanked. I don’t care how the party was after the show. I don’t care because I don’t need an award show to tell me what I think are the best performances of the year. Most importantly, I don’t care because the Academy never called and asked me to pick the winners. Sacreligious Thespites they are, I tell you!
One time I was asked, “I prefer the Tony’s, don’t you?” I replied, “No. I like the DiGiorno.”
It’s always necessary to recap each nominee within a category by showing us a clip from the film, doing a musical number from a song in the film, interviewing someone from the film, going to a commercial that promotes the DVD release of the film, coming back and honoring someone with a lifetime achievement that has culminated with his or her work on the film, going to another commercial promoting the super expanded and unrated two-disc DVD release of the film, coming back from commercial to honor the catering service with a lifetime achievement award for delivering meals to four of the top five films of the year with the fifth film’s set opting for DiGiorno Pizza each day. Then only three hours left until you find out that your favorite film did not win whatever award you were hoping the film and crew would take home because it was one of the awards given out before the event went on the air.
So on Monday, while the entire civilization frets over the best and worst dressed Thespians, I’ll be clothed in my favorite sweatpants and feasting on a lavish meal of day-old DiGiorno pizza with Coke while watching Sesame Street with my daughter. Hold the anchovies.
Every year, I would be asked ad nauseam, “Did you watch the Oscars last night?” Every year, my response was, “Nope.”
“Why not!? Everyone else did! As a Thespian, you should be curious to see who won!” Heathen! How dare I not delight in a night of recognition of the year’s most outstanding achievements in film while soaking up the couture of my fellow actors! Indeed, this is a blow to all Thespianity!
I don’t watch the Academy Awards because I don’t care. I don’t care who wins what, who wears whom, and who didn’t get thanked. I don’t care how the party was after the show. I don’t care because I don’t need an award show to tell me what I think are the best performances of the year. Most importantly, I don’t care because the Academy never called and asked me to pick the winners. Sacreligious Thespites they are, I tell you!
One time I was asked, “I prefer the Tony’s, don’t you?” I replied, “No. I like the DiGiorno.”
It’s always necessary to recap each nominee within a category by showing us a clip from the film, doing a musical number from a song in the film, interviewing someone from the film, going to a commercial that promotes the DVD release of the film, coming back and honoring someone with a lifetime achievement that has culminated with his or her work on the film, going to another commercial promoting the super expanded and unrated two-disc DVD release of the film, coming back from commercial to honor the catering service with a lifetime achievement award for delivering meals to four of the top five films of the year with the fifth film’s set opting for DiGiorno Pizza each day. Then only three hours left until you find out that your favorite film did not win whatever award you were hoping the film and crew would take home because it was one of the awards given out before the event went on the air.
So on Monday, while the entire civilization frets over the best and worst dressed Thespians, I’ll be clothed in my favorite sweatpants and feasting on a lavish meal of day-old DiGiorno pizza with Coke while watching Sesame Street with my daughter. Hold the anchovies.
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Your assessment of Hollywood's, and by default, American society's obsession with the silver screen theatrical and financial advancements (at least by "box office" standards), is intriguing, at the least.
Do you not agree, that whether right or wrong, a large portion of America does indeed base it's daily discussions (and financial commitments) on those people that make a living (actors) off of the attraction by the general public to the allure of the fantastical world of the silver screen, regardless of the genre?
This is what drives people...nay, what fuels people, to either struggle through dreary, dull, pointless lives or to use as fodder for conversation that they could not otherwise create on their own. This is the importantness, whether righteous or not, of "Thespians" large or small. To you or I, Academy Awards may be trivial at best, but to many, they represent everything that money can do to relieve one of the mental monotany of everyday life. Like some with books, it gives people a break from reality, however brief. This, people will pay much for and feel endebted to the actors for the inevitable relief they feel.
I say, continue on with the pat-on-the-back awards like the Oscars. They are at least a nuisance, and at most and inconvenience that people in the industry will undoubtedlt have to endure. Either way, it all makes for decent TV (according to ratings).
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Do you not agree, that whether right or wrong, a large portion of America does indeed base it's daily discussions (and financial commitments) on those people that make a living (actors) off of the attraction by the general public to the allure of the fantastical world of the silver screen, regardless of the genre?
This is what drives people...nay, what fuels people, to either struggle through dreary, dull, pointless lives or to use as fodder for conversation that they could not otherwise create on their own. This is the importantness, whether righteous or not, of "Thespians" large or small. To you or I, Academy Awards may be trivial at best, but to many, they represent everything that money can do to relieve one of the mental monotany of everyday life. Like some with books, it gives people a break from reality, however brief. This, people will pay much for and feel endebted to the actors for the inevitable relief they feel.
I say, continue on with the pat-on-the-back awards like the Oscars. They are at least a nuisance, and at most and inconvenience that people in the industry will undoubtedlt have to endure. Either way, it all makes for decent TV (according to ratings).
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