The Dirty Diaper

Recently ESPN reported a woman in Boston settled litigation on baby bibs she was selling on eBay that had the phrase “Damon Sucks” on the front, referring to former Red Sox and current Yankee Johnny Damon. Damon’s agent, Scott Boras, complained to eBay that it “violated Damon's right of publicity.” eBay complied and removed the bibs, but since Boras couldn’t prove that she meant Johnny Damon—there are currently two players in the majors with the name Damon, the other being Damon Hollins of the Devil Rays—he dropped the complaint as long as she didn’t use any other phrase that would tie the bib to the obvious. She was able to return the bibs to eBay.

This woman has more brains than the attorney who aided her case.

“Sports figures like Johnny Damon are important people in our society, and the First Amendment protects the right of the public to freely comment on them," said Glen Beck, who works for the Public Citizen Litigation Group and helped the case.

Johnny Damon is an important person in our society? Pardon me?

Regardless of whether or not my reader is a Yankee fan, I have no problem writing that Johnny Damon’s importance in anyone’s life, except this schlub, ranks right up there with pencil shavings. And if Mr. Beck is my reader, then I suggest that the least he could do is add that he’s also a die-hard Yankee fan, because quotes like that are the reason we laugh at lawyer jokes.

Johnny Damon, along with every single professional athlete on the planet, would be nothing more than unemployed if we didn’t fork over excessive amounts of money to watch him hit a baseball. If Johnny Damon, Damon Hollins or Matt Damon or vanished from the face of the planet tomorrow, my life will go on, as hard as that may seem, Mr. Beck. The only people who would suffer would be Mr. Punchline here and the producers of Oceans 13.

And because he's the dork who said, “…and the First Amendment protects the right of the public to freely comment on them,” then I will not lose any sleep tonight by writing this:

posted by Windel  # 12:53 PM