The Dirty Diaper
Because the web is full of it.Wednesday, May 31, 2006
4,190,001
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a child. They named the child “Shiloh.”
Now my life can finally get back to normal. After learning of this monumental moment over the Memorial Day weekend, it was a welcome relief from paying respect to the hundreds of thousands of service men and women who have fought and died for our country to provide me with the freedom to Google for “Brangelina” and read daily about their awesome life. A Google search for “Brangelina” brought up 4,190,000 hits. That’s right: Over FOUR MILLION hits.
Oh, how I wish I was a compound.
We all need a little escape from our everyday life of the mundane. “Pittolie” (67 hits on Google) escaped to an African nation! But can’t we find ANYTHING more compelling to follow than actors kanoodling and making babies? Is this type of news really worth the web page it’s posted on?
No. It’s not. But I live in a culture where the majority of people can name the five American Idols but not the last five Presidents.
Who do we blame for this? Simon Cowell? Maury Povich? Katie Couric? Nope. We can blame “BrAn" (14 million hits, only about 26,000 of which refer to our compound in question).
The only way to learn about the private life of a celebrity is if the celebrity in question opens the door to the home. It’s one of the last vestiges of fame that a celebrity can grasp before s/he or sh/it swirls around the toilet of obscurity before being flushed into the sewer of the “B-movie” community.
Of course, we all know the final frontier for a has-been is one of two options:
Show up as a guest commentator on VH1’s I Love Some Period In Time With The 100 Hottest Celebrity Hook Up Mistakes Caught On Film By The 100 Best Comedy Films Of All Time Showing The Worst Rock And Roll Hairdos That Got Caught In A Drum Set While Being Shipped To Fargo To Appear On The Top List Of Completely Irrelevant And Forgettable Things Because We Haven’t Got A Single Creative Idea Anywhere On This Planet marathon all this week on ninety percent of cable channels that you wish you didn’t pay for.
or
Appear on a reality game show living with 16 other has-been celebrities and try to hook up with any of them because Americans love a good gross-out.
Once this article is cached by Mr. Google, I will be number 4,190,001.
Excuse me while I go watch VH1.
Now my life can finally get back to normal. After learning of this monumental moment over the Memorial Day weekend, it was a welcome relief from paying respect to the hundreds of thousands of service men and women who have fought and died for our country to provide me with the freedom to Google for “Brangelina” and read daily about their awesome life. A Google search for “Brangelina” brought up 4,190,000 hits. That’s right: Over FOUR MILLION hits.
Oh, how I wish I was a compound.
We all need a little escape from our everyday life of the mundane. “Pittolie” (67 hits on Google) escaped to an African nation! But can’t we find ANYTHING more compelling to follow than actors kanoodling and making babies? Is this type of news really worth the web page it’s posted on?
No. It’s not. But I live in a culture where the majority of people can name the five American Idols but not the last five Presidents.
Who do we blame for this? Simon Cowell? Maury Povich? Katie Couric? Nope. We can blame “BrAn" (14 million hits, only about 26,000 of which refer to our compound in question).
The only way to learn about the private life of a celebrity is if the celebrity in question opens the door to the home. It’s one of the last vestiges of fame that a celebrity can grasp before s/he or sh/it swirls around the toilet of obscurity before being flushed into the sewer of the “B-movie” community.
Of course, we all know the final frontier for a has-been is one of two options:
Show up as a guest commentator on VH1’s I Love Some Period In Time With The 100 Hottest Celebrity Hook Up Mistakes Caught On Film By The 100 Best Comedy Films Of All Time Showing The Worst Rock And Roll Hairdos That Got Caught In A Drum Set While Being Shipped To Fargo To Appear On The Top List Of Completely Irrelevant And Forgettable Things Because We Haven’t Got A Single Creative Idea Anywhere On This Planet marathon all this week on ninety percent of cable channels that you wish you didn’t pay for.
or
Appear on a reality game show living with 16 other has-been celebrities and try to hook up with any of them because Americans love a good gross-out.
Once this article is cached by Mr. Google, I will be number 4,190,001.
Excuse me while I go watch VH1.
Comments:
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Funny how someone who has some much contempt for the entertainment world can devote some much time and energy to complaining about it. It is what it is, and it is fueled by all those people who can't spend their money fast enough to get all the dirty details about things that are so trivial, yet somehow impact so many lives in a way they really shouldn't. It is not my world, nor is it my entertainment. Oh, well. Simple things for simple minds.
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